Stages of Grief

They say the first stage of grief is denial.  Oh boy - I am an expert at that one!  I believe I have denied or explained away every possibility put before me when it comes to why Starskey is missing or what could have happened to him.  Denial does not help.  In fact it creates more problems that just seem to make everything worse and harder to get through.  It can cause you to push away the very people who could comfort and help you.  You, afterall, are not the only person who loved that animal or who is grieving the loss!!!!

They also say the last stage of grief in acceptance......I don't have to like it or even agree with it - but I do need to accept it.  Starskey is gone.  I didn't say he was dead, stolen, rescued or anything else - I just said GONE.  That does not mean there isn't still a chance he might come home (he does have a chip) or that we might eventually find evidence of his demise or that somebody might just bring him back.  Hope is still there but I have accepted that he is gone - for now.

All I pray for is that wherever he is (Heaven or earth) that he is loved and cared for.  He will always have a very special place in my heart that no one else will fill - that is Starskey's space, but it doesn't mean I won't go on to love another dog in a similar way - but it will not be the same.

Starskey

As I look out at Ike, stretched full length in the grass in the shade enjoying the breeze and cooler temps of today, I can't help but think of Starskey and of how he and Ike would be playing in this wonderful weather.  How much more enjoyable Ike's life would be to have a friend to play with....he is still just a puppy himself at 7 months and full of energy - and love!

Ike is a different sort of fellow then Starskey - but his life has been different as well.  Instead of having someone watching over him and making sure he had food and water until someone came to adopt him - Ike spent his early life having to fend for himself.  It didn't make him a scared or angry fellow - but he is quieter, especially without a canine playmate.  The felines around here just seem to pester him.

We knew Starskey's family tree (at least part of it) so we kind of knew what to expect from him but Ike suprises us sometimes because we know nothing about him except what is physically visable.  He is a BBD - part lab and part who knows what.  He is the BBD that lays on the step in front of the house and watches the cars go by on the road - but can hear and identify our vehicles miles away and will be waiting there to meet us at the end of the drive when we come home.

Ike is gentle and tender and would rather be around the people he loves then just about anything else.  He helps (?) in the garden, follows the mower, supervises hanging clothes on the line and lays at your feet in the house or near the door when outside.  He does enjoy a good rabbit or squirrel chase from time to time and patrols the pond bank to keep us safe from aquatic invaders.  Although he has his own pool Ike has to occasionally inspect the pond itself and spash and splatter to scare those invaders away.

IKE

Ike is twice the size that Starskey was at his age so it feels rather odd to watch this BBD do the same things that the LBD did at 7 months old.  Frogs, toads and turtles are of great interest.  They get nudged around with a nose and if they jump it is a delightful suprise.  On occasion they have been carfully picked up and carried to Mommy - but only if they don't pee in the mouth first.  If they do pee they are carefully returned to the ground and the spitting begins.  Then they are looked at as if being asked "why did you do that?".

Starskey's favorite friend (Dufus/Sam) has moved and is living in a house full of kids.  I am so happy for him.  He was such a gentle giant and played so carefully with Starskey that I have no fear for the kids he now plays with.  Dufus did not get the chance to know Ike as well as he did Starskey.  Ike was being house trained so he was inside more then outside.  That has reversed now - unless the weather is hot.  It is probably a good thing that Ike and Dufus didn't become good friends - Dufus was a rover and I would always be afraid that Ike might rove with him and get lost, hurt or killed.  Starskey did from time to time but together the two of them seemed to stay pretty close to one home or the other.  I think I like my "home boy" Ike just the way he is - lazy and happy!

Dufus & Starskey

Bringing Ike in to our lives was very necessary for me.....my heart was broken and denial led to depression and then to stress related health issues.  I began by volunteering at the local Humane Society shelter.  It was a selfish reason to go but the animals gave me love and I began to put my life together again.  I loved them all, talked to them, asked them if they had seen Starskey and where they would go if they were him......I know it sounds silly but it made me feel better and the animals benefitted from the attention.

Ike's name wound up on the adoption papers as a fluke.  The papers had been there for a while but I hadn't added a name.  One day I did and I don't know why it was his shelter name that stuck in my mind....I wasn't even sure whose name I was putting down.  I just knew it was time and somebody there needed me as much as I needed them.  When the Shelter called me to say that I was approved - I had to go over just to see who I had adopted.  I would not have said no to any of them but Ike has proven to be a perfect fit.  Sometimes the Lord works in strange or curious ways - but I am so glad that He works to take care of all of us.

Having Ike here meant that I got less anxious when I received "lost dog" calls and reports.  I got smarter about asking questions about the "found" dog and about giving the callers some advice.  Checking for collars and tags was the first thing I told them to do.  There is a vet number on any rabies tag and many people add additional tags.  If the animal had a chip there may be a chip tag or they needed to have a vet scan the animal to find out and to identify it. 

Mr. Ike

I learned that the area shelter and Humane Society only accepted animals from official agencies (Animal Control, Law Enforcement, cities, DNR, etc.) so local lost pets, found by well meaning individuals, had no place to go if an owner could not be notified....unless an official agency would assist to help get them in to a shelter or the local vet could assist in finding good homes.  Hey, if the local vet could do that every time it was needed, we'd have less need for the Humane Society and animal shelters and foster homes......

Thank You to the many wonderful vets who do help strays and unwanted pets to find homes and more Thanks to all of the vets that provide their services (for reduced rates) to the Humane Society and shelter and help the rescuers.  Adopted pets are just extra special you know.  They know that you have chosen or rescued them and they display their gratitude with great love and devotion.

Ike is now my man.  He is my shadow and my friend.  I feel at peace and believe that if Starskey were anywhere near and could get home - he would have by now.  There is some reason he hasn't and I hope that someday he still can or that I will know the reason why he couldn't.  He didn't leave me or intend to go away - he is just gone.  I will love and remember him always.

I will love and remember all of the wonderful animals who have shared their lives and love with me!

Life and learning go on

Every person and every animal in my life has taught me something new or reminded me of how important some of my past lessons have been.  Ike is proving to be no different.

Since living here we have had many wonderful pets.  Ebony (lab/setter) taught us that wild animals and pets can get along together better then we imagined.  She shared her dog food with the deer and they curled up around her heated dog house on extra cold nights.  She had been dumped with her mother and brother in the State Park where I worked.  Mom hunting to feed the kids was one thing but when she began to teach them to hunt we had to remove them from the park.  They came here as fosters while we searched for homes.  A loving home was found for the well trained mother and her son and we adopted Ebony. She was with us for 4 years before being stolen, along with several other dogs in the area.  She was never recovered and only one of the other dogs was recovered.

Scooter (cocker mix) was a gift left on our doorstep after Ebony disappeared.  He won our hearts and taught us that even a little unassuming black dog can put on more miles and meet more people then we could ever really know.  He introduced us to many of his friends when they would call the number on his tag to tell us he was visiting them.  Scooter was with us for 12 years before his health failed him.

Missy was a stray American Eskimo that we adopted after fostering for 6 months.  She too had a roving nature (as a result of time surviving on her own) but once she knew she had a loving home her range became smaller and her roving less often.   She was a devoted family guardian and the protector of the wild geese that nest here each spring.  She was also extremely loyal and loving.

Jack (Jack Russell mix) came to live with us after we'd had Missy about a year.  He had been my daughter's and was only suppose to be here a short while.....Missy put up with him in the beginning but their bond grew stronger and they grew inseparable.  He had short hair but refused to be in the house without Missy.  Missy refused to be in the house period - too confining and likely a bit too warm for her double fur coat.  They took care of each other, sleeping together in the doghouse when it was cold and when Missy's sight began to fail her Jack became her eyes and steered her around gently keeping her off the road and out of the pond.

We lost Missy a couple of years ago due to heath, age and an accident that Jack couldn't protect her from.  She was 15 years old and had been with us for 13 of those years.  Jack did his best on his own.  He kept up their routine as best he could and we gave him the heated dog house when the weather got cooler (he still wouldn't come in the house).  He would disappear for hours and I would get scared but he always came home.  I suspect the two of them had a route to follow and he was keeping up that patrol but he was never the same without Missy.  He missed her.  She was his other half.  He went away one day in December and never came home.  Jack was about 12 or 13 years old himself.

We were dogless that winter and I could not believe how much advantage the deer took of us because of it.  It was March when I first met Starskey and I wasn't sure I was ready for a new dog - much less a puppy - but he had a way of getting to you.....Starskey came to live with us the first week of April 2010.  If you have read this blog - you know his story.  He taught us so much that I can't even explain it all.  I was a farm kid with all kinds of animals all of my life but not one that crawled in to my heart as deeply as he did.  I think Missy and Jack started the route there and he just crawled in the rest of the way.

I watch Ike now as he sniffs everything with such care.  He is meeting Scooter, Missy, Jack and Starskey through scent in the things they left behind.  Sometimes he'd rather be outside wandering the yard then to be inside on his pillows.  I believe that he is looking for those playmates that aren't here anymore.  I still hope that we will be able to bring Starskey home so they can be friends and playmates.

I am learning from Ike that secondhand toys are way okay (I already knew that) and that just being loved and feeling safe goes a long way for a guy who was a stray and spent time in a city kennel.  He is so appreciative of everything and would rather spend time laying at my feet then just about anything else on earth.  Walks are fun but love is better.

I love you Ike - I have loved all of you and I miss you all too.  I will tell Ike stories about you and keep looking for Starskey so that he has a partner like Jack and Missy had each other.  Life does go on but I will never forget and never stop loving all of my wonderful pets

Survial - for both of us

Okay Starskey.  I am about to enter a different phase of my search for you.  Since you don't seem to be irritating anyone enough for them to call the cops on you I am going to have to change my search tactics.  You are probably out at night and hiding during the day.  You are not a hunter but you are a good scrounge and/or thief.  Stay off the road - the road kill isn't that good anyway.

I'll let you know up front that Ike is not going away - he is here for when you come home and to help me maintain my sanity.  We will have to learn how to introduce the two of you when that time comes - but I have to find you first, since you don't seem to be making it home on your own.  It is my guess that you have moved in to survival mode and my techniques for finding you are going to have to change.

First off - how much have you changed?  Longer fur?  Skinny or fat?  Straight hair or wavy like your Mom's?  You are still black and the star is still on your chest  but have you taken on any more of your Mom's features and coloring?  Are you covered in burrs?  All that will affect the appearance of dog that I have to be looking for now.  You are no longer the boy who disappeared in December.  

Have you found a place for shelter during the day?  Is it in the open under a tree or bush or on a hillside in long  grass?  Have you found a barn, shed, garage or even bales of hay where you can get in a corner and keep warm and feel safe?  Where do I need to look now?

Are you hungry or have you found a source of food?  Is somebody feeding cats or even dogs outside so you can sneak in and get some of that?  Or are you living off nature like weeds and seeds or better yet - some horse poop?  I kinda have to know what you're surviving on to know where it is best to begin to make it easier for you to find your way home.

If I put out some little cans of really stinky catfood (it's your favorite anyway) will you come eat it or will you let the raccoons and opossum have it?  I am going to try that - just to see if you show up once in a while.  I may even sprinkle some white stuff around on the ground so I can see your tracks better.  It might even stick to your feet a little and give me an idea what direction you go when you leave.

I can't look for you the same way that I did when you first went missing because - even though you are still Starskey - you are probably a little afraid of people after all this time.  I am sure that you have not heard anyone call your name for a very long time or you would be home by now.  Are you by yourself or have you found a friend of some kind?  Hey - if you found the horses or some cattle you've got many friends - and they aren't going to tell me where you are hiding all day.

I may have to use a live trap to catch you now, since people may scare you - even me.  I am sorry about that but you are kind of blowing through your teens faster then you should have to.  Survival may be making you closer to being an adult now.  Hey - that is a change for both of us!  It is sure not one either of us had planned for.  I just want you to know that if I have to use a trap it is only because I love you and I do not want you to spend the rest of your life living like you have had to these past 4 months.

I have talked to a lady who knows about pets who have gotten in to survival mode.  She has given me tips and ideas on how and where to begin looking again.  She says I should not look for you like I did before - because I may just scare you away.  Now I have to sort of fool you and try to get you to come to what is most important to you - and that is probably food.  I also need to figure out where you might be taking shelter - not to look for you but to move the food closer to you. 

I might have to use a night camera to be sure that it is a dog eating the food and then to try to be sure that you are the dog because I know that you look a little different now.  That is a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around and it is even harder to imagine what you might look like now.  I am not being rude but I bet you are pretty scroungy by now and you probably stink really bad too.  Especially if you have kept warm in horse and cow poop piles.  Go find a creek or pond and take a bath Dude!

I am not sure where I am going to start but I have some good ideas, based on some of the more reliable sightings of you.  I should have a paycheck in a day or two so I can get the supplies I need to get started and then we will go from there.  You'll be okay until then won't you? 

This would be a really good time to be visiting places during the day so folks see you again.  If you are staying with somebody - you need to get them to take you to the vet for something so the vet can check you over and find your chip.....nothing serious - fleas will do!!  A check-up or Rabies shot update will work too.

I am going to try to let everyone else know that we have to deal with you differently now too.  I don't want them scaring you away so we have to start looking for you all over again.  You are going to have to come to us - on your own or in the trap.  That is just where we are now.  We are not without hope or resources - we just have to do things differently in order to get you home.

Oliver Alert has a saying that I like.  It goes something like this; "Never give up looking for something that you can not stop thinking about every single day".   Until I find you - I will never stop looking.  If all I find is some bones and your collar I will be able to stop looking but since we haven't found that - I am still looking for a live black dog with a white 5 point star on his chest.  Now you need to start looking for me again too. 

His name is Ike

Well Starskey - he has arrived.  His name is Ike and you will really like him.  He likes to play and he runs in circles and chases his tail just like you.  He is about the same size as you are now so that will make everything even - if he doesn't grow any more that is.  He is all black and his name kind of came about because of where he was found.

Ike was picked up in Mason City early in March as a stray out by Eisenhower Ave. (Walmart) and the shelter called him Dwight.  We thought that Ike suited him better and he seems to like it.  I think somebody loved him for a while because he is doing real good with being in the house.  Only a couple of accidents in almost a week.  He is catching on to the bell thing - well kinda.  You being here to show him how well it works when we are busy or not looking would help a lot.

We took him down to meet Paucha this weekend.  I think Paucha likes you better - or maybe he knew that you knew that you were his company so he didn't have to mark the whole place.  After Saturday everything was okay though and you would have thought they had been friends for years.  You missed the chance to run in circles with them!  They had donut shaped bones together like you and Paucha always did.  Paucha still doesn't share his donut.

Carma, Luchi, Adrian and Camilla were all there too.  That meant the boys got lots of walks and spent a lot of time out doors.  It was warm and sunny so they liked that - even when Camilla was in charge.  They all were sure that you would like Ike too.  They were glad that he is your size but that he is all black.  That way they would never get you mixed up.

There is a lot you have to teach Ike.  He keeps pooping in his play zone so I have to wash his feet off whenever he comes back in the house.  I don't think he is going to be a porch swing dog so your spot there is very safe.  He doesn't like the swing moving when he is trying to get on it either, and doesn't seem to want to learn.  He does like the summer doghouse but isn't sure about the winter one yet....maybe it has to get cold enough to turn the heater on for him to figure that one out.  He'd just rather be in here on the pillows in front of the fireplace - just like you.

The cats have figured things out.  They sneak past when he is napping or when he is outside.  They take whichever route is necessary depending on where he is.  Spook is curious enough to sniff him when he is asleep.  He obviously smells different then you do so she has to get him recorded to memory so she knows who she is dealing with.  My bet is that she'll stay upstairs most of the time anyway.  Booger does everything on the sneak.  I don't even see or hear her until she heads back up the steps.  I think Ike does though because sometimes he'll just stop and listen and sniff the air.

Midnight is a little cautious but still feels that he is the house boss.  He rings the bell and waits for us to get a hold of Ike and then come let him out.  He will go right out (or in) with Ike there - as long as we are holding him....and Midnight is smart enough to move slow so he doesn't look like anything exciting.  He used to tease you by running the minute he got out the door......just so you would chase him - but then he knew what to expect from you and he hasn't figured that out with Ike yet.

Learning a new fellow's signals and remembering to stay patient and forgiving is easier for me then for Jeff.  He forgets that Ike doesn't know what sit, stay, lay down and come mean yet - although Ike does know a little bit - he knows what "no" and "get down" mean.  I really think that somebody loved him long enough for him to learn a few things and for him to learn to trust people.  Even though he is about 5 months old (and your size) he is still very much a puppy and sleeps a lot and wants to chew on everything.  Thanks again for leaving the chew toys.  I got him some new ones too.....and some new floor pillows that don't smell like anybody else.

I was thinking how, when you were about his age, we wondered if you thought your first name was "No bite" and your last name was "leave the cat alone".  I sometimes wondered how you learned that your name was Starskey.....it must have been early on - before you started doing naughty things.  We seemed to have to use the other phrases far more often.  We don't seem to have to use them with Ike so much - but then he hasn't been camping yet either.....that comes in another week or so.

I hope he learns his name better soon so that he will come when called.  We forget to use his name as often as we should.  With you we were just grew to know what you wanted or needed, and you were so used to just following our lead that we didn't have to call your name a whole lot.  When the van door opened - you just jumped in and when the golf cart moved - you just hopped on.  Ike has all that to learn yet.  I'll try to remember to use his name more often so he gets used to it.

This whole thing would be a lot easier with you here to serve as big brother and teacher!  Yes, Dufus has been over to check him out but doesn't stick around like he did with you.  That is okay with me.  I don't want all you boys wandering off together - it seems that Dufus is the only one who can find his way back home again.  A kennel will be coming for short term confinement (instead of the cable) but a fence is going up for a play yard so dogs can play outside together and not get in to trouble...or run off.

We're still waiting for you to come home...and still looking for you so that you can come home to us and your new playmate.  Wherever you are - tell them it is time for you to go home!  Then get yourself here or go to someone who will help you get back here.  We love you and miss you.  Starskey Come Home!!!!!!!!  We are all waiting for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Playmate coming

Starskey - you really need to come home soon!   There is a playmate for you who is coming to live with us.  Somebody needs to teach him the ropes (cat secrets and bell ringing) and tell him what he will get in trouble for - like getting in the road or following Dufus......

He is younger then you but he is about your size.  He is a lab mix too so you will have a lot in common.  Is it okay if he uses your bed and chews on your toys until you get home?  Then you can decide what gets shared and what doesn't.....but you will need to share Dad and me.  I'll put Care Bear up - he is your bed partner after all.

NO - I have not given up hope that you will come home.  Hope is what I am hanging on to more then anything now.  Everyone has looked so hard and kept looking for you for so long that we are all sure that someone has picked you up and taken you somewhere.  That should mean that you are being taken care of and for that I will have to be grateful.  We still pray everyday that we will get a call or an email from one of the many places you are listed as lost - or from someone who has seen you......WE HAVE NOT GIVEN UP HOPE!

You are loved and always will be......you were our first baby and we learned so much from you about raising a baby and about loving someone with a blank slate for us to write on.  You taught us a lot about ourselves as well - and about our true beliefs and abilities to deal with things as they came along.  Yeah - I would do a few things differently if I could do them over - but not a lot.  There would be a fence - and there will be now.  Official dog training might be a good plan too.

Hey - we did pretty well without that all but if there had been a fence - you would not be gone because you would never be outside the fence unless we were with you.  You trusted us to take care of you and love you and you rewarded us with your love and your respect.  You walked beside me (except on timber adventures), you brought the ball back when I threw it for you, you sat when told, you waited when asked, you shook hands when a hand was offered and accepted treats with great gratitude.  You stayed off the upholstered furniture but found that padded lawn chairs were pretty comfortable outside and that pillows on the floor were good inside - as long as they were close to us or in front of the fireplace.  You never jumped on anybody!!!!  You sat and waited for them to offer a pat on the head or a shake.  You were a good boy in the car (except for the phone book thing) and you did enjoy your rides!

See - there is a lot you need to help teach this new guy - and especially about ringing the bell.  You don't want Midnight to upstage you on that one!  He already did it to me - but you were a lot smaller then and this new fella isn't that small.  Midnight might not be much help this time.

He doesn't have a forever name yet.  They call him Dwight now - but that just doesn't seem to fit.  Should he be Hutch?  You'd need to come home for sure then because Starskey and Hutch are a team!!!  I get to go pick him up this afternoon but I couldn't do it without first telling you about him.

You disappeared after the first big snow fall in December - and he will come after the last crazy snow fall in April....a little over 1 year since you came to live with us.  There is something strange about that but I don't know if it is a good strange or a bad strange.....

I have been going to the Humane Society almost every week and meeting a lot of cool cats and wonderful dogs but couldn't bring myself to pick one yet.  Two weeks ago I went over and took my paperwork for them to hold until I had a name to fill in.  I kinda thought I would bring home a beagel guy that Phillip fell in love with - so he had a home and Phillip could come see him a lot, but when I got there he had already been adopted....but he did come to Forest City so maybe we'll be able to find him and visit him.

I went and looked at all the puppies....and all my other friends.  I do have favorites and some of them were gone (a good thing). There were a couple of other dogs on my mind but I still didn't think there was a perfect one.  When I got ready to leave - I put Dwight's name on my application.....I don't know why - something just told me to write his name down.  They called last week and said he could be mine - so last Saturday I went and spent some special time with him.  He is a really okay dude!  You will like him!   Some things are just meant to happen the way that they do - and I think this might be one of them......

He is not house trained - so thank you for house training me!  I know how to do that now!  I have a new timer even.  He is getting adult dog teeth so thank you for teaching me to have lots of chewy toys and bones on hand - it saves on the furniture!  I put a new gate up to the back room so the cat food is safe - thanks for teaching me that trick too.  He is going to need lots of exercise (besides potty walks) so thank you for leaving the tennis balls here. 

He is going to need a playmate.  I know Dufus will be here - that is the reason I need a fence.  He can play with Dufus inside the fence but Dufus will teach him bad things like roaming.  You need to come home and be his house and yard playmate and best buddy.  Nothing would make me happier then to give you to each other...............

Starskey - come home!  There is training to do and playing too!  

Gee - I wonder what the cats are going to think of this????  I think the gate to the back room tipped them off that something was happening.  This could get exciting and scary!  Come on home and tell them everything will be okay!

The Dance

Garth Brooks has a song that says a lot about love and loss...and everyone can apply it to their own situation or need.  For me it is about finding a love and a way and a depth of loving that I didn't know I was even capable of......and then losing that and finding this gaping hole in my heart.  Here are the lyrics to the song.  I think you'll understand.....

Looking back on the memory of
the dance we shared 'neath the stars alone.
For a moment all the world was right
How could I know that you'd ever say good-bye. 

And now I am glad I didn't know
the way it all would end,
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance.

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king.
Bit if I'd only known
How the king would fall
Hey, who's to say you know
I might have changed it all

And now I am glad I didn't know
The way it all would end,
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance.

Yes, my life is better left to chance. 
I could have missed the pain but I would have had to miss the dance......

I wouldn't have given up my dance with Starskey for anything.  I would not have given up the chance to learn along with him and to play with him and to swing with him and to love him for anything else on earth.

The hole remains in my heart and maybe always will.  I still hope to find him but I also hope to begin a new dance with a new pet but it will never be the same.  Starskey was the first dog to reach that deeply in to my heart.  Maybe that was made easier for him because of all those that came before him.....Missy, Jack, Scooter, Ebony and more.  They each blazed a trail that the next one would follow and each got deeper and deeper in to my heart.

Starskey, however, remains special.  Not because he has been any different then any other dog I have ever loved - but because he was the first that came to me without first having been on his own or having been alive long enough to develop his own sense of self confidence.  He came to me as a baby to be nurtured, trained, loved, trusted, and introduced to the world.

I was proud of our relationship as it grew.  I gained self confidence as I taught him things, learned more about him, spent time with him and began to recognise his needs and took the steps to fulfill them.  Because he was a companion dog, instead of house guard or outdoor pet, there were things I learned about him that I hadn't learned about some of our other dogs.  It was a different relationship and I looked forward to our time together each day. 

Taking care of Starskey has never been a chore or a duty.  He is my friend, my playmate, my confidant and my helper.  He looked up to me to be his pack member and I did my best to fill that role for him.  He showed his gratitude by sharing his life with me and by sharing his adventures with me.  I would never have dreamed of going mouse hunting on my own - much less had so much fun doing it.  Walks around the ponds would have just been walks around the pond if I didn't get to enjoy his discovery of the world around him.

Watching the interaction between Starskey and our cats, Dufus and with other people was also very telling of the kind of dog he was.  He was rather submissive, except when it came to his food.  Even with the food - he would share his food and his treats after first establishing the fact that they were his to share.  He had a weakness (or liking) for cat food so a gate had to be installed and the cat's food put up where they could get at it but he couldn't - but on camping weekends he would often get caught raiding cat food around camp.

Starskey has a gentle soul.  He would bathe the campground baby kittens and snuggle them against him for warmth.  As fall approached and the nights were cooler the kittens appreciated the ability to snuggle with him near the camp fire - but the baths became an issue as he sometimes got them pretty wet and it was just too cold for that.  There was never any aggression toward the cats or kittens and I often wondered what need the kittens met for him.  I would watch him push them all over near the fire with his nose and then lay down with them.  Did he have gender confusion and think he was a mommy?

No - I would not have missed this dance with Starskey for anything.  He has taught me a lot.  The biggest things may have been patience and perserverance and perspective.  He taught me not to over react or react too quickly and to give him the benefit of the doubt - and I was always rewarded and pleased to see that what I feared could happen was not what was going to happen...........Until that day he went out the door to go pee and vanished.................................

Come on home Starskey - there is more dancing for us to do!  I love you!!!!

Missing Starskey

Oliver Alert uses a quote that goes something like "never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about" or something to that effect.......Well, I am not giving up and I don't think I have gone an hour without thinking of Starskey.  I can't tell you what has made him so special to me because all of my pets have been special and each have their own unique story as well.  Maybe it is just because I started out with Starskey as a baby and he blazed new territory and pathways in our lives and hearts and in our home!  Okay, it is also because I have no answers.........That is the part that absolutely SUCKS!

I sit here at the computer and look out the window at the porch swing that became such an important part of our day and our together time.  It swings in the wind and brings memories of a  warm little puppy snuggle on my lap as well as an almost grown dog trying to get on it when it kept moving away.  Learning to jump up didn't help much there - the swing still moved and he was not sure if his effort would be in vain or not - but he insisted on swing time daily.  I held it still while he got up on it and then we sat together and watched the events on and around the pond.

It was warm enough to use the clothes line yesterday.  I missed my helper - well, my audience would be more like it.  I found your football Starskey!  Your rubber insert survived the winter and is here for you to throw and chase.  It was once a real official football that my grandson, Phillip, left here.  It was funny to watch Starskey try to carry it in his mouth to whatever spot in the yard he planned to lay on it and try to chew on that leather round thing.  Phillip would come over and throw it for him to chase but we quickly figured out that tennis balls were easier to retrieve and haul back to the thrower.

It took Starskey 6 months to finally break that leather shell on that football but it only took him a week to have it completely peeled off - only to find that there was still a round air-filled thing inside.  It was made of rubber and not nearly as easy to chew on - but be did manage to get it popped before all his sharp little baby teeth were replaced with the smoother adult teeth.  You might wonder what a dog would find fun about a popped rubber football insert........well it is made of something akin to an inner tube.

Rather then trying to rip it to shreds Starskey took greater pleasure in shaking it to death or shaking and tossing it so he could chase after it.  He got quite adept at launching it several feet away, requiring him to run after and tackle it to reclaim it.  I would watch him play this game with himself for hours wondering whether he was playing with himself, with the rubber football or an imaginary opponent.  At any rate - it was an exercise he enjoyed and played alot.

Dufus was here again this morning.  He checks out all of the dog houses (we have 3 - assorted sizes) gets a drink from the heated bowl and then inspects the yard.  He misses his little buddy.  I did find some photos of them together when Starskey was still pretty small....they look funny together but they were best buds.

In spite of his size, Dufus is very gentle and I think Starskey won most of their wrestling matches.   Dufus misses you Starskey!

The cats have been acting strange too.  Every time I pick up the Starskey toys in the house and put them away in a basket on top of his Pet Lodge the cats get them out again. They don't play with them - they just get them out and put them back where they were on the floor in front of his Lodge....I have given up and just leave them there now.  On occasion I will catch Midnight sleeping on the rug in front of the Lodge - the same place he slept when you were inside it sleeping.  It took a while but Bugger has adopted the pad in front of the fireplace.  She still looks down at it, from her perch on the foot stool, and sniffs the air carefully before actually getting on it.  Maybe making sure it is okay..........

Jeff is certain now that I have gone crazy.  His patience with my search and my grief is getting much shorter.  He says it is time to move on.  Move on to what?  I still see him go over to Starskey's toys and move them around with his toes (when he thinks I am not looking) and he keeps the water dish full but I bet if I asked him he would say it is because the cats drink out of it too.

Camping season is coming and I don't know what that will be like without you.  There is a camp chair by the firepit that is designated as yours. The lawn chairs will be brought out again soon too - and I will be expecting to see a black body curled up on the cushion in the sun.  Who will ride in the front seat of the car and on the golf cart?  Who will help pick up the branches in the yard and remind the geese which side of the pond is theirs?

Starskey - it is time to come home to all of the ones that love you...................